put 'em up

Emotional vs physical. It's so hard for me to combine the two. I hate that my emotional state essentially controls what I do physically. I get up and, most likely because I don't want to go to class/work/whatever I need to do, I have this urge to clean and organize my house. And what do you know...when I finally get home, the urge has left me. Replaced by this grumbling, shuffling beast of a feeling that draws me towards the couch. And there I sit. And all of the sudden it's 4:14pm and what was I going to do this afternoon? Clean? Organize? Be productive? Well shoot.

Why is it so hard to get myself energized? Why is it that I fall into a lazy state as soon as I have free time to do what I want or need? Why is it that I feel motivated to do things a day after I should have done them? And then, witnessing my own failure, I shut down any hope of getting those things done at all.

Working out for example. Oh, my arsenal of excuses. I'm too tired. I worked out yesterday. I got up too early. I deserve a break. I'll do it in an hour. I'll do it tonight. I'll do it tomorrow. Every day, my psyche goes through this battle. Excuse after excuse. And it's not just working out. It's eating right. Doing chores. Being happy, for God's sake. Why is it that I'm too lazy to seize life while I have it in front of me. Awful awful feeling.